What You Should and Should Not Say to a Pregnant Lady


Things You Should NOT Say to a Pregnant Lady

  • "How much do you weigh?" - This is never an appropriate question to ask any woman ever, but much less a pregnant woman who is already freaking out about the number she sees on the scale (whether high or low or right on track).
  • "Are you still pregnant?" - VERY dangerous question, even if asked as a joke. What if the answer was no?!
  • "You need to do ..." - She does not want your unsolicited advice. If she wants advice, she'll ask. 
  • "No. You shouldn't do that." - If she tells you she has made a choice about birth plan or childcare that you disagree with, keep your judgment to yourself.
  • Traumatic birth stories - She's already scared. No need to make it worse.
  • "Did you guys plan to have kids?" or "How long were you guys trying?" - This could be a really sensitive subject for some moms. What if it was unplanned? What if they've been through several miscarriages? If you know the person well, you would probably know the answer already, and if you don't know them that well, let them offer that info up to you if they want to.
  • "Enjoy ____ while you can, because after baby arrives, you won't be able to ever again." - Hopeless, unnecessary, cynical, and not helpful at all. She knows her life is going to change dramatically, let's focus on positive things instead.
  • "Should you be eating/drinking/doing that?" - Again, keep your judgment to yourself. She's listening to her doctor. She knows the rules. She doesn't need you to coach her on what or how much of anything she is consuming or which activities she's participating in.
  • "You're going to breastfeed, right?" - Her decision to make, not yours. That's the equivalent of saying, "You use tampons, right?" Not your business. 
  • "You look tired." - Not nice. Any negative appearance comments are much better left unsaid.

Things You Should Say to a Pregnant Lady

  • "Congratulations! I'm so excited for you and your little family." - This is probably the most appropriate comment you can make to a pregnant woman. Very PC, happy, and not hurtful at all.
  • "You're going to be a great mom." - Thank you! She needs that encouragement!
  • "You look beautiful/gorgeous/radiant." - Everyone likes a good compliment, and when a pregnant lady is feeling like a whale, these comments are so nice.
  • Nice things about how much you love your baby - Keep her eyes on the prize and not on the discomfort and scary stuff.
  • "What are you most excited about?" - Again, keeping her thinking about happy stuff.
  • "Is it okay if I touch your belly?" - I don't love people touching my belly when baby's not moving or doing anything exciting, but I would MUCH rather people ask than just touch me. I've had too many strangers touch my stomach, and that is very uncomfortable for me. It's best if you keep your hands to yourself and let her offer up access when baby is moving around, but if you can't resist, please ask.
  • "Are you having fun thinking through name possibilities?" - This is a better version of "What are you going to name him/her?" A lot of moms want to keep their baby's name a secret until they arrive. Also, they may be struggling with agreeing with their partner on a good name. Re-framing the question a bit gives them the opportunity to share a name if they want or vent about the struggle of picking a name without the pressure of people always asking them what it is.
  • "How far along are you?" - She's tracking week-to-week, so this is a great way to have her open up about what she wants to open up about. Pro tip: do not follow up to this question with a comment about her size.
  • "How are you feeling?" - Another great open door question that allows the mom to share what she wants to share.
  • "Isn't it amazing what the female body can do?" - Yes, yes it is. It's a straight up crazy miracle.
  • "Let me carry that/help you." - When you're in your third trimester, everything is harder than it should be. I have to have people help me tie my shoes sometimes. Help is definitely appreciated.

Did I miss anything? Comment below with what you would add to either of these lists.